Lessons from the Shark Tank

I watch people talk to each other like other people watch a football game, and Shark Tank is one of my favorite shows for observation and learning. The premise of the show is that entrepreneurs present a product or service in front of a panel of billionaires (sharks) in hopes of getting an investment. On this show you have a clear division of wannabes versus those who have achieved the highest level of financial success. What’s so interesting to me is the sharks only have a few minutes to decide if they want to invest, and it’s immediately obvious that the entrepreneur’s communication style often makes or breaks the deal. No one could possibly think they can really get to know someone in just a few minutes. However, grab your popcorn and watch. You will see the sharks make up their mind shockingly fast, and you will often hear a shark say, “I like your product, but I don’t trust you. I can tell that you would be difficult to work with. I just don’t like you.” This kind of brutal feedback is one of the reasons the show is titled Shark Tank.

Over my 25 years of coaching I’ve found that to build your credibility and earn trust, people need help with two things: style and the ability to manage conflict. We are going to start with style and learn a few lessons from Shark Tank.

So what do the sharks actually observe that causes them to be so decisive and often dismissive? They see how a person moves, sounds, talks and reacts – all nonverbal communication. They can’t see the hours of work, sacrifice, dedication, and history. The great news is that 65-90% of all communication is nonverbal. For me as a communication coach, that means I just have to help you tweak a few things so your outside matches your awesome inside, and you’ll be on your way to building credibility and earning trust. Shark Tank is a tiny microcosm of what is true for all of us.

The number one thing that sinks a deal on Shark Tank is defensiveness. If the entrepreneur seems resistant or combative, they will surely get a scathing dismissal: “You are dead to me.” Harsh, but can you blame a shark? I don’t. Defensiveness is understandable, but highly unproductive and unapproachable. No one likes to work with a highly defensive person. How does someone sound defensive? You already know the list: escalating volume, lots of interruptions, frustratingly high word count, aggressive body posture, and the list goes on. The people who get deals are the ones who listen and respond calmly to questions and suggestions. Difficult questions or even criticisms don’t derail them.

Pace and word count are critical indicators of a calm demeanor. If someone asks you what time it is and you rapidly tell them how to build the clock, you will be perceived as flustered, possibly incompetent, and much weaker than desired. If this flustered style is accompanied by a bunch of excuses about how insane life is, how your kids are crazy people, and how you forgot to put gas in your car this morning, I’m just going to bless your heart and pray for you. There is no way this communication style is going to build credibility and trust, and it has nothing to do with your work. Mostly, people can’t see your work; they only see you. Present yourself as someone they can trust.

In addition, pay attention to your face. Admittedly, facial expressions are harder to control, but control isn’t necessary. Again, you just want to establish an overall demeanor of calm and confidence. I call it the news anchor face – pleasantly interested. Looking pleasant and actually being interested are game changers to connecting with others. This one never fails.

You get the idea; work on presenting a demeanor of calm and confidence. Practice this in your everyday conversation so that your style is calm and confident. Try to make it a habit, meaning it’s your style 90% of the time. Everyone has a day; you are allowed. Don’t read this as a call to change your personality; that’s not the case at all. I want you to showcase your strengths and personality by eliminating the barriers that distract others from seeing your overall awesomeness.

Ministers don’t work in the corporate world, yet we are judged by professional corporate standards when it comes to communication. Spend a few minutes just to examine any areas where a little bit of time creating good habits will have a huge return on investment.

For us as female ministers, we know that our professional image not only affects our jobs, but it also affects the process of gender inclusion in our churches and the women who are counting on us to blaze the trail with excellence. March on, trailblazer, with the confidence and own your part in God’s work. I offer these coaching tips to help you allow others to see the amazing minister you are.