“Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?” (John 21:15)

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For those who know the Gospel of John, you discover something interesting: the Gospel closes itself twice. After concluding the story at the end of chapter 20, the writer comes back with an addendum, a vignette on a Galilean shore with a miraculous catch and a restoration.

The story begins with Simon Peter looking at the other disciples and saying, “I’m going fishing.” Which isn’t out of the ordinary; it’s the world he knows. But it’s also the world he was called out of. Yet he’s just been through a traumatic, indecipherable experience: he proclaimed his allegiance to his rabbi and friend only to run when Jesus wouldn’t let him continue swinging his sword; he then denied Jesus to save his own skin and wept when he realized his betrayal. Peter was complicit in the traumatic events that transpired. He has not lived up to the person he claimed to be, and because of this incongruity, Peter has experienced a moral injury.

Moral injury is “the damage done to one’s conscience or moral compass when that person perpetrates, witnesses, or fails to prevent acts that transgress one’s own moral beliefs, values, or ethical codes of conduct,” causing “lasting emotional, psychological, social, behavioral, and spiritual impacts” upon a person’s psyche/soul. [1] A serious breach has occurred in the person Peter thought he was versus the actions that he undertook, within the relationship that Peter has with Jesus, and within his own spirit as he deals with the ramifications of his actions.

We don’t know what Peter has experienced since then. Those who experience moral injury often experience grief, guilt, shame, loss of trust in self or others, anger, anxiety, disruption to relationships, self-isolation, self-harm, psychosomatic symptoms, and struggles with religious or moral beliefs that were foundational before. We don’t know what Peter has been going through, but in John 21, we see that Peter has returned to something from his life before: I don’t know much about my life right now – everything seems completely upside down – so I’m gonna go back to what I know and what I do best.

As Jesus appears to them now, he singles Peter out. I want us to read these words together:

Jesus said to them, “Come and have breakfast.” None of the disciples dared ask him, “Who are you?” They knew it was the Lord. Jesus came, took the bread and gave it to them, and did the same with the fish. This was now the third time Jesus appeared to his disciples after he was raised from the dead.

When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?” (John 21:12-15)

I’ve always pictured Jesus pulling Peter aside, and maybe that’s how it happened. But it’s also possible that Jesus sits here in the midst of the other disciples and begins his questioning. We don’t know what Peter must choose between – the fish? the other disciples? do you love me more than they do? But it is interesting that Jesus stops and confronts Peter in this moment … because reconciliation requires a confrontation. In order to deal with sin effectively, one must be willing to confess it, and it must be handled with honesty and transparency. You cannot confront a problem if you’re trying to ignore its existence.

Litz and his team offer eight steps for dealing with moral injury; some of the most important are steps four through eight: examination and integration, dialogue with a benevolent moral authority, reparation and forgiveness, fostering reconnection, and planning for the long haul. [2] We see Jesus walking through these steps with Peter in the midst of this conversation.

Jesus begins with Simon’s name and an important question: Do you love me? Jesus brings that question around again three times, the same number of times that Peter denied him, because it’s important to confront the issue head on and to speak forgiveness into that moment. While the words “I forgive you” or “I absolve you” are never spoken, Jesus offers him a renewed task and purpose: Feed my sheep.

In essence, Jesus is saying, You matter. This doesn’t define you. Yes, we need to deal with it. Because I still need you. You have a bigger purpose, and I need you and want you to accomplish it.

And I love Peter, because he tries to deflect! Well, what about that other guy???

Yet Jesus again redirects him. I’m talking about you. “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me” (21:22). Let’s not worry about what might be, or what others will do. Let’s just focus on moving forward.

This is reconciliation: not a quick-grace forgiveness, but an intentional repair of the issue (threefold forgiveness for the threefold denial) and a call to mission and ministry. You are receiving God’s love and grace; go and extend that to others. You must follow me.

Jesus’s example here serves as a model for those of us in ministry who encounter moral injury in our congregants and in the world at large. We must “speak the truth in love” as we extend God’s reconciliation to those experiencing dissonance within themselves.

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[1] Brett Litz, et al. “Moral injury and moral repair in war veterans: A preliminary model and intervention strategy.” Clinical Psychology Review, 2009. They go on to state that “inherent in our working definition of moral injury is the supposition that anguish, guilt, and shame are signs of an intact conscience and self- and other-expectations about goodness, humanity, and justice. In other words, injury is only possible if acts of transgression produce dissonance (conflict), and dissonance is only possible if the service member has an intact moral belief system.”

[2] Litz et al, 702-704.

[3] Much of my thinking on this was shaped by an article by Everett Worthington and Diane Langford, “Religious Considerations and Self-Forgiveness in Treating Complex Trauma and Moral Injury in Present and Former Soldiers,” in the Journal of Psychology and Theology, 2012, Vol. 40, No. 4, 274-288. They discuss psychological repair and self-forgiveness as integral parts of the treatment process.