Lessons in Leadership from Abigail
In 1 Samuel 25, the prophet Samuel has just died, and King David has yet to actively take the throne. Get ready to be seriously impressed as Abigail enters the scene. As a reminder, Abigail was married to Nabal, who, according to verses 2, 3 and 25, was wealthy, surly, mean, and a fool, respectively. In contrast, Abigail, according to verse 3, was intelligent and beautiful. The backstory is that Nabal’s shepherds had been protected and treated well by David’s soldiers, so David sent representatives to ask Nabal to gift them supplies. Nabal declined and kept true to his surly reputation by adding a few insults.
When David received the news, he was livid and vowed to take the lives of all the males associated with Nabal. Nabal’s servants immediately informed Abigail and in verse 17, said, “Now think it over and see what you can do, because disaster is hanging over our master and his whole household. He is such a wicked man that no one can talk to him.” (NIV)
Cue the action music. Abigail is about to save the day.
Abigail lost no time. She took two hundred loaves of bread, two skins of wine, five dressed sheep, five seahs of roasted grain, a hundred cakes of raisins and two hundred cakes of pressed figs, and loaded them on donkeys. Then she told her servants, “Go on ahead; I’ll follow you.” But she did not tell her husband Nabal.” (vv. 18-19)
Abigail’s leadership is impressive and provides a great pattern for us as we navigate our own challenges and conflicts. She did not allow her lack of titles or legal authority to prevent her from taking on the role of a much-needed diplomat. Nor did she allow the traditional role of wife to kidnap her into passivity. She owned her spot without apology, anger, or defensiveness by simply doing what she knew would save lives.
Scripture says in verse 20, “As she came riding her donkey into a mountain ravine, there were David and his men descending toward her, and she met them.” Maybe I’ve seen too many movies, but this was surely a scary moment for Abigail, a woman with no title or legal authority, let alone an army. Even if David and his soldiers weren’t thundering down the mountain, which is how I like to picture it, she knew he was furious with Nabal and was looking for revenge by way of killing every last male associated with her family.
Let’s take a look at her methodology.
Credibility: Clearly, Abigail was already a trusted source of wisdom and action, or logically, the servants would have gone to someone else in such a crisis. People don’t rise to the occasion; they fall back on their training or habits. How we manage ourselves and our interactions with those around us will teach others if we can be trusted when the stakes are high.
Quick Action: Once the servants informed her of how Nabal had denied David supplies and insulted him, she cleaned out the pantry to present a generous offering of what had previously been denied. In addition, she sent the gifts ahead of her before she made any verbal requests: two hundred loaves of bread, two skins of wine, five dressed sheep, five seahs (approximately 60 lbs) of roasted grain, one hundred cakes of raisins, and two hundred cakes of pressed figs. Nonverbal communication is 65-90% of all communication. Abigail’s quick action here was immediate proof of good will, and at the very least, the gifts would have slowed down the war party. Words without actions aren’t generally worth much. People need proof of our goodwill.
Humility: This is always the game changer. Verses 23-24 say, “When Abigail saw David, she quickly got off her donkey and bowed down before David with her face to the ground. She fell at his feet and said: ‘Pardon your servant, my lord, and let me speak to you; hear what your servant has to say.’” Abigail went to David with humility and asked him to listen. Sincere humility is always the trump card.
Diplomacy: Effective diplomats figure out priorities and what will bring people together. David wanted supplies for his troops; Abigail provided them before she asked for anything. Abigail wanted to prevent bloodshed and had to make this request in a persuasive way. Also, notice verse 25, where Abigail acknowledges that David had been wronged: “‘Please pay no attention, my lord, to that wicked man Nabal. He is just like his name—his name means Fool, and folly goes with him. And as for me, your servant, I did not see the men my lord sent.’” In my experience, most requests are reasonable, and people simply want their pain to be acknowledged. If we are going to be persuasive in our requests, we have to acknowledge others’ experiences.
Request: After all this, she finally made her request in verses 26-27:
“And now, my lord, as surely as the Lord your God lives and as you live, since the Lord has kept you from bloodshed and from avenging yourself with your own hands, may your enemies and all who are intent on harming my lord be like Nabal. And let this gift, which your servant has brought to my lord, be given to the men who follow you.”
The Amanda Box interpretation of this is as follows: “You wanted supplies, I’ve provided them. You haven’t killed anyone yet and now, there is no reason to kill. This is a win-win.” It’s often possible for both parties to get what they want if we work hard enough.
Affirmation: Abigail affirmed David’s leadership and assured him that he did not want needless bloodshed on his conscience in verses 28-31:
“Please forgive your servant’s presumption. The Lord your God will certainly make a lasting dynasty for my lord, because you fight the Lord’s battles, and no wrongdoing will be found in you as long as you live. Even though someone is pursuing you to take your life, the life of my lord will be bound securely in the bundle of the living by the Lord your God, but the lives of your enemies he will hurl away as from the pocket of a sling. When the Lord has fulfilled for my lord every good thing he promised concerning him and has appointed him ruler over Israel, my lord will not have on his conscience the staggering burden of needless bloodshed or of having avenged himself. And when the Lord your God has brought my lord success, remember your servant.”
Let’s recap. Abigail was already established as a credible problem solver before this crisis. She communicated humility through her acts of diplomacy before she made a request, then affirmed and pointed out personal benefits of that request. Did it work? Yes, it did. David was grateful and praised Abigail’s good judgment. Notice verses 32-35:
David said to Abigail, “Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, who has sent you today to meet me. May you be blessed for your good judgment and for keeping me from bloodshed this day and from avenging myself with my own hands. Otherwise, as surely as the Lord, the God of Israel, lives, who has kept me from harming you, if you had not come quickly to meet me, not one male belonging to Nabal would have been left alive by daybreak.” Then David accepted from her hand what she had brought him and said, “Go home in peace. I have heard your words and granted your request.”
Abigail made such a good impression on David that, after Nabal died, he proposed. Matrimony is not the point of this article, but it is more evidence of Abigail’s awesomeness. I also feel obligated to point out David married a bunch of other women, too, so that we don’t get the Bible mixed up with a Hallmark movie. The point is that Abigail provides a great example for us as someone who was without titles or legal authority but who was one amazing leader.
