Creating a Safe Space
I recently attended a ladies’ church retreat attended by beautiful women of all ages and life stages. We spent the weekend meditating on John 15, where Jesus explains to his followers that he is the vine and they are the branches. He tells them that if they remain in him, they will “bear much fruit.” In a small group discussion that I participated in, the question was, “What does it mean to bear fruit?” The youngest member of our group, who is in her mid-20s, said that she felt like bearing fruit meant creating a safe space for people. The wisdom of that answer astounded me. Traditionally in church, we take that word fruit to mean “work.” We might say someone is “bearing fruit” if they volunteer for Sunday school or clean the communion trays. We might say they are bearing fruit if they are making casseroles or fixing things in the church building or any other number of “kingdom tasks.” These things are good and are usually needed, but are they the fruit about which Jesus is referring?
A good place to look for an answer to this question is the life of Jesus himself. If he is the vine and we only produce fruit that comes from that vine, then what does his vine produce? When I ask myself that question, the concept that bearing fruit means providing a safe space makes a whole lot of sense. The stories about Jesus make it clear that he welcomes people regardless of their situation. I can only imagine what incredible peace must have accompanied an encounter with Jesus. He touches people and heals them. He listens to what ails them. He forgives them of their misdeeds. He defends them against their accusers. He embraces the unembraceable. His ministry is all about showing love to those he encounters. And he is harsh only with are those who have problems with the safe spaces he creates for others. He is a renegade in that way. He was God, and yet he didn’t care who he was seen with because each person he was seen with was created in his own image and loved by him.
What does this look like in our lives – this fruit of the safe space? Well, it looks a whole lot like unconditional love. It looks like being the kind of person who, instead of pointing a finger, extends a hand. It looks like realizing that we cannot create a perfect world for the people around us, but we can create a sacred space where they are free to laugh and love and cry and heal. We can be trustworthy. We can reserve judgment. We can provide words of encouragement. We can let people know that they are welcome. Who do you know who produces this kind of fruit? They are probably attached to the vine.
A safe space is vitally important. Research shows that children who are given a safe space are far more likely to grow into healthy adults. Even children who face extreme hardships early in life are more likely to thrive if they had at least one safe adult in their life when they endured those trials. Adults need a safe space too. We never outgrow that need. There will always be more pain in the world than we know how to handle, so here is what we can do: we can decide to be a safe space. And in doing so, our fruit will be so evident that it will literally change the world.
I do want to mention something here: providing a safe space does mean tolerating those who seek to harm you. If there is someone in your life who actively seeks to harm you (physically, emotionally, mentally, etc.), the most loving thing you can do is to keep your distance from that person. You cannot create a safe space for someone who is inherently unsafe for you. As Christians, we are called to love others and forgive them. But we also have New Testament examples of both Jesus and Paul fleeing from those who were trying to harm them. Bottom line: you need to be safe before you can create a safe space. If your safety is in jeopardy, you can’t be truly present in the first place. These are the moments when wisdom and discernment come into play, and God has equipped us with a Spirit of discernment that will guide us if we remain in the vine.
As one final note, it is a good idea to listen to the 25-year-olds in your life. They probably know some things you need to hear. Maybe every now and then, we should sit at their feet for a little while.
