Be the Last to Speak
I’ve seen it happen over and over. A team of ministers are in a meeting, and the lead minister says something like, “Let’s kick around some ideas for Easter this year. I’ll go first.”
Or maybe the children’s minister is meeting with her volunteers, and she says, “It’s time to change our curriculum. I want input from everyone as to the kind of curriculum we should be looking for. I’ll start.”
This even happens after an event. The minister in charge of planning and organizing the event does what I call the drive-by, stopping by each office on Monday with a big grin. “Good morning! Hey, what did you think about [the event he planned]? Everybody I talked to said it went great, and I am really proud of how we pulled it off. What did you think?”
In these situations, the ministers are asking for ideas and appear to be seeking input. However, once they, as the leaders, decide to be first to speak, their words will greatly inform the responses they actually get.
In the first example, the lead minister has already drawn a line in the sand. He has already stated what he wants to do to celebrate Easter. He is the lead minister, after all, so who wants to suggest what they think is a better idea?
In the second example, the children’s minister appears to want input on which curriculum the committee should choose, but when she starts by telling which one she wants, the volunteers are left with a conundrum. She is, after all, the professional children’s minister. She probably has done the research and knows more about curriculum than any volunteer. So, would it be best to go along with her idea or to challenge it?
In the last example, since the minister has reported that he and everyone he talked to thought the event went great, it is unlikely that the listener wants to be the first one to admit that he did not think it went well. He doesn’t want to rain on this guy’s parade. After all, the minister is riding high, thinking that his event was a smashing success. So, he will probably get a smile and a nod as one more person confirms what he has publicly declared: that the event was great.
In these instances, ministers may think that they want honest input or feedback, but their actions speak otherwise. When a leader asks for input but then immediately shares their own opinion before receiving feedback, it can create several potential dynamics—sometimes positive, but mostly negative if it happens too often:
1. Undermines the Value of Input
Asking for input and then immediately offering your own thoughts can make a team member feel that their opinions don't matter. It may signal that you’ve already made up your mind or that their perspectives aren’t truly being considered, reducing their willingness to contribute in the future.
2. Creates a Passive Environment
When leaders consistently share their views prematurely, team members may start to hold back their ideas, believing that the leader is simply going through the motions of asking. This can lead to a culture of passivity, where everyone waits for the leader to take the lead and stops contributing their creativity or insights.
3. Damages Trust and Engagement
If team members feel that their feedback won’t be heard or valued, it can damage trust. A leader who does not genuinely listen can breed frustration, disengagement, and even resentment among team members who feel their expertise and input are being overlooked.
4. Limits the Full Potential of Collaboration
Great ideas often come from diverse perspectives. By offering your own opinion first, you might unintentionally close down the conversation and limit the potential for creative solutions that come from collective brainstorming. This may cause you to miss out on a valuable, potentially better solution.
5. Creates Potential for Miscommunication
If your input is given before others share theirs, it can color the conversation. People may start to feel pressured to align with your view, either because they don't want to contradict you or because they think that’s what you want to hear. This can lead to groupthink and missed opportunities for true innovation.
6. Influences People’s Response
When a leader speaks first, they can unintentionally sway the direction of the conversation. Team members may feel obligated to agree with the leader or may adjust their responses to avoid conflict. This can reduce the authenticity of feedback and diminish the value of a true exchange of ideas.
How might we address this situation differently?
1. Encourage Open Dialogue
Consider waiting for a while before offering your opinion. Let everyone speak first to create space for a range of ideas and perspectives.
2. Explicitly Invite Ideas
Before giving your thoughts, explicitly state that you want to hear from others first and that you are open to being challenged or having your views shaped by their feedback. You will likely change what you originally intended to say once you hear others’ ideas.
3. Be Transparent About Your Intentions
If you do want to share your thoughts early on, be transparent about why you're doing it. For instance, say, “I’ll share my thoughts first to get the ball rolling, but I’d really like to hear what you all think, too.” This only works if you have a reputation for creating a safe space for differing opinions.
4. Be Receptive and Listen Actively
After sharing your opinion, take the time to listen attentively and ask follow-up questions that show you value input. Reinforce the idea that the team’s feedback is critical to making the best decision.
The balance lies in demonstrating that you trust and value the team’s contributions while still providing leadership and direction when necessary. Give it a try!
