A Personal Philosophy of Grief
I had the pleasure of teaching an undergraduate course this past January titled Grief, Loss, and Ministry. I was grateful for the deep insights of these juniors who brought not only critical thinking but personal experiences to the table. One of the assignments I asked them to complete was to write the beginnings of a philosophy of grief.[1] The rationale of the assignment is that, whether we realize it or not, our ministry is driven by underlying theories, theology, and assumptions. We can strengthen our ministry when we take the time to surface these perspectives so that we can refine and use them intentionally. Have you ever considered doing this with your approach to loss?
A philosophy of grief is simply a summary of our views on the topics of grief and loss. It captures our perspectives, experiences, and approaches to good ministry. In writing it, we ask ourselves questions like: what is grief like, what is our role, and what helps people who mourn? I would like to share my current philosophy of grief that I have developed over the years with the hope that it might spark some ideas for your own.
Grief is a natural and healthy response to losing something valued.
Grief is powerful and it is okay to not be okay.
Healthy grief is expressed grief (this can look very different for each person).
Our role is to a.) fall in step, b.) show compassion, c.) listen to the story, and d.) sit with the pain.
Grief is unique for each person.
A mourner needs a supportive community in some form.
Story-telling can facilitate healing.
We need breaks from our grief at times.
Healing comes in the form of reinvestment in life.
Our loss always has a place in our life.
Unacknowledged grief worsens.
What would you include in your version? I would like to invite you to take out a piece of paper or open a Word document. Think back over the insights you’ve read and studied, the experiences you’ve lived, and the support you personally have received. I encourage you to then write a sketch of your own philosophy of grief. May this simple exercise sharpen and deepen your ministry and care of others.
1. Wolfelt, Alan D, Counseling Skills for Companioning the Mourner: The Fundamentals of Effective Grief Counseling (Fort Collins, Co: Companions Press, 2016).