Why Have You Stayed?
Reflection Roundup is undergoing a facelift, turning toward reporting face-to-face conversation, boots-on-the-ground and “live from the field” items important to Christian leaders, in a monthly rhythm. As always, listening broadly draws together differing perspectives from which we can learn even if we may not concur. This week’s conversation includes some vital nuggets readers will not want to miss.
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Ministry transition, even ministers leaving ministry, begs we ask honoring questions. A recent gathering of ministers revealed three questions worth exploring around the fellowship table.
Ministers are in short supply. Recently, Carson Reed chronicled the crisis in apt detail, referencing causes that include political polarization, pandemic weariness, and a “bait and switch” situation when it comes to utilizing the very gifts that caused a congregation to choose a particular minister alongside whom to serve. This work is insightful.
Conversation among a handful of ministers gathered on the campus of St. John’s University in Collegeville, Minnesota offers further insight. In a week set aside for spiritual nurture, for delving deep into the traditional spiritual practices of a group different from that in which most of us minister within Free Churches, the opportunity to come alongside and engage where we were finding strength and challenges in ministry naturally arose. I had “primed the pump” in anticipation of the reflection that would surely take place with this question, posed to one of my fellow ministers: “If you knew someone leaving ministry, what sorts of questions would you ask that person?”
It’s not new news that some ministers are folding their tents and not only leaving their posts but walking away from their callings. Surely we could have some conversation to be had that might assist the rest of us before the point of no return, in advance of a decision that all is lost, and the six-to-two life of a barista begins looking pretty good. We agreed to sit prayerfully, honoring this query, and committed to talk with the Collegeville group as opportunity arose.
It was in this open door of conversation, seated at tables around which we hosted one another for daily bread, and shared the open, present posture of fellowship and hospitality, that a new, more pertinent and hopeful question emerged.
“Why have I stayed?” became the question.
As the various ministers took turns reflecting, the first priority, a “bottom line,” quickly appeared. If you are in ministry, you know exactly what it is: calling. It has to do with that person whose example you want to emulate and perpetuate in the world. It has to do with those students who ask such good questions, some of which are the same ones we all have and ask. It has to do with partnering with others. Ministers stay because they are called. Ministers are committed in obedience to callings which, despite the ups and downs of vocational ministry, remain unchanged. One preacher said, “I wanted to leave ministry, but I didn’t feel called away. So I stayed.”
Calling is rarely received and acted upon “solo style.” We can all think of those in our lives who have shepherded and pastored our callings, and those for whom we have done the same. Others have been instrumental in God’s “yes” in our lives, those who have pushed us to continue questioning, learning, sharing, and partnering. Pondering together what a good question for those contemplating leaving ministry surfaced a second question, related to the first. “Who has helped you discern your call to ministry?” It’s vital to remember and name our personal shepherds and pastors, and then to ask ourselves to be honest about the origins of the inclination to depart. Is this a shepherded calling as well? Are these the same people who guided you along a path to ministry? If not, who are they, and what is different?
Everyone at the table confessed having felt the urge to throw in the towel at one point or another. Every profession has elements and moments of this, as we all well know. Even the barista that gets off at 2:00 and takes no responsibilities home with them has passing visions of continuing a day’s drive home from work all the way to a national park for an indefinite stay. One preacher said, “I wrote a resignation letter and packed up my office after a contentious meeting.” One had felt the drowning waters of gossip rising overhead more than once.
In her book Living into Community: Cultivating Practices That Sustain Us, Christine D. Pohl writes about four sustaining practices of community: promise-keeping, truth-telling, gratitude, and hospitality. Pohl points out that “unless participants are prepared for the inevitable challenges, when difficulties develop, they will quickly become wary of moving toward deeper involvement in any church or community. The testimony of our shared life is crucial, but it is also fragile.”[1] Why must we treat our ministers as if they are exempt from this? As if their very faith is indestructible and does not require continued nurture, development, and growth like that of any other disciple?
This group of ministers willingly coupled their wisdom with vulnerability, sharing a few things they felt are key questions. But this honest conversation revealed a third question that may be the most important of all. After all, we are among a kingdom of priests. Around the table, we wondered about this together. For any Christian rolling with the tides of life and circumstances, world and family events, is it okay to not be okay? Further, do we have Christian friends, those with positive influence, enough personal knowledge, and permission to speak, with whom we can really talk?
Are we confessing to one another? Can we? One minister shared a rhythm of confession within her week. She meets with the same group for lunch, one day each week, and has for 20 years. These are her confessors, the space in which she practices the spiritual discipline of personal confession. These are Christian friends with whom she can really talk.
So three great topics to explore with any vocational minister (or any Christian!) include:
Tell me about your calling.
Name some people who’ve recognized and supported your calling, either to follow Christ or to pursue ministry.
Who in your life can you really talk to?
Living a sacramental fellowship is what we must do, exemplifying to one another the grace we have received. Here it is okay to “not be okay.” Summer is a great time to check in with each other and our ministers, both vocational and volunteer, about more than the items on our meeting agendas. Ask each other to tell some stories. Take time to reflect back on our callings. Recommit to ministering together from the strength of community that this tender knowledge brings.
[1] Christine D. Pohl, Living into Community: Cultivating Practices That Sustain Us (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 2012), 9.
