What Dying People Want – and Need – to Talk About

I spend a lot of time in hospitals, hospice, and living rooms talking with people about dying. Some of them have been told their time is short. Some are facing major surgeries that have the potential to not turn out as hoped. Some are just older and aware that any physical set-back could be fatal.

Most of these people are Christians, and they want to talk. Many eagerly await their passage into the real life to come. Some are not afraid of dying, but are apprehensive about the process.

But I have noticed that often they worry about things of a spiritual nature. There are generally three areas of concern. So here are areas to be aware of and to let people talk about. Areas to offer comfort and to speak truth.

Am I really saved? Spiritual security concerns many people as they contemplate dying. They might express, “I hope I get to heaven,” rather than, “I am going to heaven.” Sometimes there is a major issue that needs to be resolved, but usually this is a more generic concern. Speak words of assurance and comfort to them. Talk about God’s love and faith in Jesus. Remind them of God’s promises of going to prepare a place for us. Reassurance is what they need.

Am I really forgiven? Sometimes this is closely tied to the above question. Share truth about God’s forgiveness in Jesus (1 John 1; Psalm 51). This is an especially difficult concern for Christians who were away from the Lord for a period of time. They became active in their later years but they are now wondering about forgiveness for their years away. Scripture about repentance, confession, and forgiveness again are helpful.

I am sometimes asked if I think this assurance might lead to false hope. Remember, we are not deciding who gets saved. That is God’s business, not ours. That’s why I am careful to use Scripture to form and guide the conversation.

And there are times when issues do surface that have to be addressed, but most long-buried secrets can stay in the “God knows and forgives” place.

Occasionally I will even have someone who wants to be baptized. Usually, it can be arranged. Sometimes the issue is more a desire to be re-baptized just to “be sure.” Again, use wisdom and discernment to guide the conversation.

One last question I hear: Did I do enough? If this is tied to the question of being saved, then verses about faith and not works are appropriate. But the other answer is, “Of course not.” None of us have done all we could. But for the faithful Christian, this is not a questioning of salvation but more of a regret that one didn’t do more for Jesus. I often ask them about some of the things they did do for Jesus. Focus more on what they did instead of on what they did not do.

These are just some of my thoughts after spending a lot of time lately with people who are – or think they are – dying. Maybe they will help you process as you face your death or as you help those you love to face theirs.

As leaders of God’s people, we have to guide them through this transition. And we set the example when it is our time.