The Importance of Intentional Experiences
Beginning in January, there was a proliferation of organizations and events adopting some version of a “20/20 vision” theme for the year. At the time, organizers and leaders (myself included) had their own ideas of what that should include. But who could have guessed where the year would actually take us? Now, it is anyone’s guess where this year will go next. One thing that has become evident is that the division within our country still rages on, and there are injustices yet to be addressed. How can our society be healed? What is an appropriate response by the church? These questions are so large, they quickly become overwhelming, and it is difficult to know where to start. However, the church must respond, and church leaders must create opportunities to work in the right direction.
The value of intentional experiences for ministerial training is widely noted. Often, someone might advise you to grab someone and take him or her with you as you minister. This has proven to be effective, but we can also set up opportunities for people to have meaningful, intentional experiences. The terms others and otherness are often used to describe those who are outside of a person’s typical circle. You may have a gut level reaction to it, because it sounds like it’s trying to place people into two categories; however that’s not the intent. The point is to look at individuals and groups within our churches and identify where exposure and growth is needed. We do this naturally in other areas of mentoring and spiritual development. For example, we provide opportunities for a variety of ministry experiences so that people can discover their spiritual gifts or gain new skills. Providing a chance for people to talk with, work alongside, and listen to people different from themselves can aid in spiritual, emotional, and cognitive change. This is beneficial not only to the individual, but it can also help churches better engage their communities and come up with meaningful approaches to the challenges we are facing. Here are a couple of small ways to start, which can end up making a big difference.
First, look for opportunities to plan and provide meaningful encounters and conversations for members from differing social circles. Don’t just consider those who are younger, but incorporate people of all ages. Oftentimes people are unaware of their own reactions and presuppositions, and people tend to drift into their comfort zones. We all need to be moved out of comfort zones at times. These encounters can be transformative, providing perspective and a chance to develop empathy with those unlike oneself. Allowing opportunities to practice hospitality while engaging in conversation is an excellent combination, as it gives the opportunity to show love and value for those from whom we are learning. Inviting our members to practice dialogue with others helps them develop critical thinking, as well as systemic and holistic thought. [1]
Second, we need to emphasize the importance of listening to others. This is both the easiest thing and the hardest thing to do. We are often guilty of not truly hearing what another person is trying to say. We must encourage our members to practice active listening and to resist forming responses to what they are hearing, especially if it’s challenging. Genuinely listening to someone else means letting go of memory, desire, and judgment and being fully present. [2] We must teach people to reach beyond the words to hear the emotion, and beyond the emotion to hear the meaning. Michael P. Nichols defines listening as “the art by which we use empathy to reach across the space between us.” [3] Listening can transform relationships, and attentive listening is the key to successful relationships. When a church understands the challenges a community is facing, it can help them develop answers and solutions. Through listening and learning, the church can help people lower their defenses and open up to God. [4]
To live out Jesus’s command to love one’s neighbor (Matt. 22:39), Christians will have to work hard to understand the people living around them. When it comes to God’s plan for a particular place, one size does not fit all: God works locally in each individual context in a special way. Since the goal is to reach people in their context, the church must be aware of the culture and the community in order to help the members of the congregation see others more clearly. We must strive to get to know our neighbors, understand their concerns, and learn to love and show love effectively. Although providing intentional experiences and learning to listen effectively may seem simple, their impact can be profound. May God grant you wisdom and insight as you embark on this journey!
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[1] Laurent A Parks Daloz, Cheryl H. Keen, James P Keen, and Sharon Daloz Parks, Common Fire: Leading Lives of Commitment in a Complex World (Boston, MA: Beacon Press, 1996), 142-146.
[2] Michael P. Nichols, The Lost Art of Listening: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships, Second Edition (New York: Guilford Press, 2009), 77.
[3] Ibid., 74.
[4] Rollins, 53-54.
