The middle of the night,
        sleep stolen again;
pain shaking me awake,
        the thief at midnight.

She wants me to wake her
        on nights like these;
so she can be present,
        a comfort by my side.

But she has a life to live,
        yesterday and tomorrow;
it’s enough to wreck my life,
        would you take hers too?

God, I’d rather wake you tonight.
        We need to talk.

I’ve accepted the days of pain
        you have allotted me.
I’ve done my best,
        worked the program;
done my exercises,
        used my tools.

But it’s futile;
        nothing helps.
You know it;
        and I know it.

What I once enjoyed,
        and took for granted;
is no longer possible,
        only dreams in the night:

the perfect cast,
        a twitch at the end of the line;
hiking in the woods,
        mountain trails with family;
golf clubs rattling in the cart,
        waiting my selection.
But now even my dreams are taken,
        another loss to the thief at midnight.

So, Lord, please tell me:
        why keep going?
What could make this pain
        worth enduring?

Where is the knot
        at the end of the rope?

I can keep myself drugged,
        strung out like a junkie.
I can refuse to do anything,
        not get out of bed.
But what’s the point
        in destroying myself?

Lord, do you hear me tonight?
        Father, will you answer me?
The pain is too much,
        my ability to cope too small.

Lord, I can’t take it anymore,
        this life you’ve given is no gift;
but an unending experience of pain,
        a gift that just keeps giving.

I am so tired, bone-weary;
        desperate for hope.
Please...

Amen

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