There is no such thing as neutral. 

A while back, I noticed that when one of my co-workers was talking to me, he would stop and say things like, “You don’t like this idea. You think this is stupid.” I promise you, neither was accurate. I was just listening—that’s all. Surprised, I would laugh, deny the negative thoughts, and say, “This is my listening face.” 

He didn’t buy it, though, no matter how truthful I was, and it really bothered me. We worked pretty closely together at that time, and after a while, I had to acknowledge the fact that the issue was my face. My co-worker was getting a negative message from my face—100% inaccurate, but still negative. 

While I thought my face communicated that I was just listening or feeling neutral, the message I accidentally sent was critical. I’ll remind you that nonverbal communication accounts for 65-90% of all communication. No matter what I said to deny the negativity, my body language didn’t match. This was a perfect example of why there is no such thing as neutral; your face will never be neutral.

A faux-neutral face is a type of silent treatment to the recipient and will always send a negative message. People will fill in the blanks of this silent treatment with their insecurities because that’s just what humans do. Unfortunately, out of all the thoughts we have about ourselves each day, 80% of these thoughts are negative. It’s true.

What did I do in light of this situation with my coworker? I changed my face. 

I wanted my coworker to know that I was sincerely interested and open to his ideas. So I made sure my face matched my thoughts. Boom: the “news anchor face” was born. By thinking about the message I wanted him to receive, I simply sent a clear message of being pleasantly interested. Guess what? I was never accused of being critical of his ideas again, ever. We simply went into problem-solving mode, without all the self-censorship and false interpretations. I was so very relieved that I wasn’t being misperceived any longer, and that my face was accurately representing my thoughts. 

No matter what communication skill I’m helping people with, I always teach people the pleasantly interested news anchor face. It’s the smallest investment with the biggest return. If you just think about what you want the other person to know, make sure your face matches that truth. You won’t look like a big clown, or Pollyanna, or anything other than that you are listening.

Again, there is no such thing as neutral. Your body language is telling others what you think about them far more than your words do. It’s up to you if they get an accurate message or a faux-neutral that will be falsely and negatively interpreted. 

By the way: I also probably need to explain what the news anchor face is NOT. In no way am I encouraging you to attempt to hide your own emotions, or send a false positive. Both are dishonest. 

Why does this matter? After all, you aren’t some ridiculous emotional babysitter. You can’t control the thoughts of others. Correct, you are not, and you cannot. However, it matters because your relationships are suffering from negativity that isn’t there for you but is very real for others. This is the case even for people who know you really well. The news anchor face is the difference in people hearing, “What do you want and why are you interrupting me?” or “Hey, I’m glad you are here.”

But what about people who don’t know you very well? Unfortunately, the negativity rate is even higher. And this very small thing can seriously work against us as we talk about our faith with others. Faith can be a tricky conversation, and there is no shortage of skepticism about Jesus, Christians, and churches. As believers, we are often showing people more Jesus with our faces than our words. Do you want people to understand that Jesus is compassionate, forgiving, and welcoming? Then your face has to intentionally send that message. If not, the message that people will interpret is that Jesus is disapproving, unforgiving, and decidedly unwelcome. No one wants others to think this about us as individuals, or about the Jesus that we represent.

As a bonus, I’ve learned that my news anchor face helps keep defenses down when I’m in an intense conversation. People still see a hospitable and calming presence, even in disagreement or stress. In addition, my news anchor face actually helps me to say difficult things when I’m nervous about speaking up. It most definitely helps keep my own defensiveness in check when I’m getting negative feedback. 

Still need some convincing? I have a challenge for you. Adopt what you think is a neutral face the next time you are with a group of people. It will take a few seconds to drain the expression off your face. Then ask them what message they are getting from your face. I do this regularly, and I’m always impressed at the overwhelming negativity that my face can send when my intention is to look neutral. This negativity is even more impressive because when I do this activity, others already know about news anchor face and that I’ve spent a decent amount of time working on nonverbal communication skills. So even though they know what I’m doing, the principle still holds true. There is no such thing as neutral. 

We need better communication skills, not because we need to be nicer, but because we need to be stronger. This news anchor face is a solid habit that will facilitate stronger conversations and relationships on every level. As always, this communication evangelist is in your corner; please reach out if I can be of service.