Self-Care or Selfish?
There is a lot of confusion about what constitutes self-care, especially among women who are Christ followers. Some view self-care as selfish “me” time or expensive pampering.
According to Oxford Languages, self-care is:
The practice of taking action to preserve or improve one’s own health. The practice of taking an active role in protecting one’s own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.
When we are dangerously tired, we often follow the path of least resistance. I’m too tired to cook, so I pick up unhealthy fast food. I’m too tired to clean, so I shut the door to the offending room. I am too tired to talk with my children about their fighting, so I snap at them or lecture them. I am too tired to do the pile of things that have stacked up like a monument to my stressed-out life, so I go to bed and pull the covers over my head. Love, patience, and good judgment go completely out the window when the tank is empty.
I tend to respond to stress by over-functioning, doing what is not mine in an effort to be helpful. I don’t see it as over-functioning at the time—in my mind, I am doing what needs to be done.
However, my body sends me signals that I am over-functioning. They might come in the form of changes in my sleep, eating, or decision-making ability. I trip more, and run into walls more frequently. I make dumb mistakes, forget important things, and can burst into tears without warning. Boundaries go out the window as I busy my day with tasks I have taken on as mine to do.
When I am over-functioning, I am crabby, irritable, easily annoyed, tired, and weepy. I am perplexed because I do not feel at all like myself and am puzzled about why. The story I tell myself is that these tasks are important and must be done by me, and that once they are done, I can go back to life as usual.
Yet, if I am to be a beacon of light that shows what it means to follow Jesus, what is my stressed-out, used-up self actually modeling and teaching?
For those of us who are women, we often question our value. We secretly feel worth-less, less-than, and not worthy, largely because we are looking to others to validate our worth. So we practice self-denial or self-sacrifice to an unhealthy degree. We give and give, sacrificing for others in the hopes that as we care for those we love, we will feel good about ourselves in the process.
We compare ourselves with others who appear to have more, do more, or accomplish more, putting so much pressure on ourselves to be all things to all people that we forget that we actually have an audience of One.
God has earned that distinction. He is your audience of One. He created you in His image, looked over you in the womb, and loves you like no one else ever will.
If you are taking care of the mental, physical, social, emotional, and spiritual you, and you can work in some pampering that you enjoy, have time for, and can afford, it can be a glorious extension of self-care. Pampering alone is not sufficient for self-care.
I need to remember that the value God has placed on me is the value I should place on myself. As His masterpiece, uniquely created in His image, I have been chosen and adopted by God. He paid a high price for this adoption—the death of His son.
I have a calling designed by Him, with a purpose and a passion that can be fulfilled only by answering the call and bringing glory to His name. Jesus persistently pursues a relationship with me so that I can experience His extravagant love. He wants me to live an abundant and fulfilled life.
God created you and gifted you with passion and purpose. He has great plans for you and is tenderly calling you to a purpose that will glorify Him and fulfill you. But you must do your part.
God expects you to lovingly care for yourself. You would expect no less of your children. As a parent, it would break my heart to hear that one of my children or grandchildren did not know that they had tremendous value or were deeply loved.
No, self-care is not selfish. It is an act of worship, in response to God’s overwhelming love.
