Spirituality Makes the Stool Stand
What if you had no biological family any more? Who would be your mother or your brother or sister? Feeling isolated and alone is already difficult under routine circumstances, but for some, it can be devastating and despairing. How does one cope? Thankfully, many hospitals offer chaplains who often fill the role of a comforting family member. They have learned to offer love, empathy, compassion and connectedness, the will of God to which we are all called.
An encounter with a hospital chaplain is very brief and temporary, however. Following is an approach for chaplains to consider offering patients when they feel like they have lost balance in life and need the love of family or community. It is an approach one can take with them when they no longer have access to a chaplain.
As Christians, we believe we are never alone, that God will never forsake us, and we hope this takes away the sting of grieving, loneliness, isolation or abandonment.
Sometimes the sting persists, and the fog does not lift. And like some cancers, some loneliness is very difficult to treat—it can be chronic. Thankfully, through God Himself and His provisions, there are tools. It is easy to suggest finding new friends or attending a church or support group. However, when you are alone in the moment, how does one cope? Perhaps the answer is in our design.
As a chaplain in our hospital, I begin by likening our human design to a three-legged stool. Each leg represents body, mind, and spirit, where all three are necessary. We often come to the hospital because our body is broken or failing in some way, and a doctor must diagnose and treat it. Sometimes our mind is broken, and we need help diagnosing and treating it. More often than not, people have never given consideration to the third leg of the stool, to the spiritual side of life. It is no wonder that as a three-legged stool, they cannot stand up. Each leg must be in good condition and firmly connected to the seat. Further, each leg is interconnected to one another. The health of the mind impacts the health of the body
and spirit. The health of the spirit impacts the mind and body. Science tells us that our emotional thoughts can and do have a direct physical effect on the human organs. The shape of a grieving heart can look very different from a normal heart.
When I ask patients about how they are caring for themselves spiritually, often they interpret the question in terms of whether or not they believe in God. My response is, yes, while God is the source of our spirituality, let us dig deeper and consider what is spiritual to us and how might it benefit us. In other words, what brings about a sense of peace and calm in one’s life, or what gives our lives meaning and purpose? For one person, it might include walking through the woods, smelling the fresh air and tapping into all of the human senses. For another, it might involve a deep communion and relationship with God.
To focus on the spiritual side of life is grounding to the one feeling lonely or without a supportive family. By talking about the things that bring one peace, calm, and meaning in life, we can rebalance our three-legged stool and regain connectedness. For the thirteen-year-old young lady who was admitted to our hospital due to suicidal ideation, she believed there was no one in the world who loved her. She began harming herself, hoping her physical pain would outweigh her emotional pain. When she learned that she could tap into the spiritual side of life and that God loves her no matter what, she began to heal mentally. Her school grades and treatment results improved significantly. She felt confident about being discharged, knowing that God will always love her. She had also learned how to achieve balance between her body, mind, and spirit. As a plus, when she feels her biological family disowns her, she knows she always has a Father in Heaven who will never give up on her. She gained the third leg of her personal stool and was able to stand back up again.
