It’s been a tough year for me. It’s been a tough year for a lot of people I know. Lately it has felt like every time that I talk to someone else, that person is dealing with something new. I’ve had a number of struggles with extended family on multiple sides, and in my last post I shared about one of the toughest seasons I’ve ever gone through as a parent. I have friends who are dealing with loss, divorce, mental health for themselves or their children, financial struggles—the list goes on and on. It’s just been a hard season. 

A couple of months ago, my church family decided to do something about it. We offered up a sacrifice of our Friday evening. I say this because now our time is more sacred to us than cows are. During this Friday evening, we approached the throne of God in prayer. It was a sacred time and space. We had several different stations where people were invited to pray different types of prayers and name some of the struggles they are experiencing. We shared these struggles with one another and prayed together in a variety of fashions. 

One of the most common desires I heard from so many people in our church really came down to the same request from God: we wanted His presence. It’s a bit of a unique request because it doesn’t necessarily mean that the problem we’re facing will be solved. That’s not the point, though. We want to feel the presence of God because even if the problem doesn’t magically disappear, we know that there is one who can and will be with us as we deal with it. 

Sometimes, God’s presence isn’t one of the things we desire, it’s the only thing we really desire.

I’m reminded of the story about a conversation between God and Moses in Exodus 33. This story is often overlooked for a number of reasons (it’s tough to compete with ten plagues and a giant sea being parted), but it plays a vital role in seeing and valuing Moses’s relationship with God. Let me quote Exodus 33:12-23 (NLT) in full:

One day Moses said to the Lord, “You have been telling me, ‘Take these people up to the Promised Land.’ But you haven’t told me whom you will send with me. You have told me, ‘I know you by name, and I look favorably on you.’ If it is true that you look favorably on me, let me know your ways so I may understand you more fully and continue to enjoy your favor. And remember that this nation is your very own people.”

The Lord replied, “I will personally go with you, Moses, and I will give you rest—everything will be fine for you.”

Then Moses said, “If you don’t personally go with us, don’t make us leave this place. How will anyone know that you look favorably on me—on me and on your people—if you don’t go with us? For your presence among us sets your people and me apart from all other people on the earth.”

The Lord replied to Moses, “I will indeed do what you have asked, for I look favorably on you, and I know you by name.”

Moses responded, “Then show me your glorious presence.”

The Lord replied, “I will make all my goodness pass before you, and I will call out my name, Yahweh, before you. For I will show mercy to anyone I choose, and I will show compassion to anyone I choose. But you may not look directly at my face, for no one may see me and live.” The Lord continued, “Look, stand near me on this rock. As my glorious presence passes by, I will hide you in the crevice of the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Then I will remove my hand and let you see me from behind. But my face will not be seen.”

If you look at what has just recently happened in the story, you’ll notice that the Israelites and God are still coming out of the golden calf incident and God is still very upset with them, but not with Moses. Even with this being the case, Moses needs something: God’s glorious presence.

While this might seem weird, too, it might make sense when you consider Moses’s journey up to this point. He struggled with his identity for all of his life. He goes to the nation that cast him out to try to liberate a nation that didn’t care for him that much anyway. Once God liberated the Israelites, there was story after story of them complaining to Moses and wanting to go back to Israel. Now when Moses goes to spend time with God on Mt. Sinai, they waste almost no time before fashioning an idol to worship as their new god. 

Emotionally and spiritually, Moses had to have been drained. None of what he had faced up to this point had been easy, and he could see how much further he still had to go with the people. He knew that there wasn’t a quick fix, either. The only way forward would be with God. 

Sometimes, we just need to feel the presence of God. We need to feel the warmth of His long and loving gaze as it rests upon us. We need to know that He knows us by name. This is one big reason that it’s so easy to love God. We don’t need to know that He’s going to fix every single problem in our lives. We just need to know that He’s there with us while we journey through those problems, and He always will be. As a recent song put it:

This place is trying to break my belief
But my faith is bigger than all I can see
What I need is redemption
What I need is for You for to put me back on my feet

I swear, I'm trying to give everything
But I feel I'm falling, oh make me believe
What I need is resurrection
What I need is for You to put me back on my feet

If I could feel You shine Your perpetual light
Then maybe I could crawl out of this tonight
If I could feel You, feel You shine
Oh, let me feel You shine
So beautiful and warm
So beautiful and bright [1]

1.  “Let Me Feel You Shine” by David Crowder Band (from the 2012 album Give Us Rest)