What do church leaders need to know about the single persons on your staff teams? How can church leaders better support those who serve on your church staff while single? 

There is likely an increasing number of single adults within your churches and even among your staff teams. Kevin E. Lawson and Jane Carr wrote Thriving as a Single Person in Ministry[1] with several aims. First, they wanted to address the question: “What is it like to serve in vocational ministry while single?” Additionally, they sought to give insight into two follow-up questions: “What are the opportunities and joys of ministry as a single person?” and “What are the challenges of ministry as a single person, and what helps in managing these challenges?” While the intended audience of this book is two-fold—single staff members and the supervisors of single staff members—I would like to offer this book as a necessary resource for church leaders of single staff members. 

If you are the ministry supervisor of single staff members, Lawson and Carr wrote this book with the hopes that it can help you better understand their needs and how to supervise and support them well in light of those needs. The information below will not be all-encompassing, nor will it tell the story of the staff member you serve alongside, but hopefully it can provide you with a starting point to see and understand a unique perspective—the single person serving in vocational ministry.

Joys and Opportunities of Singleness[2]

• I can serve however I want, whenever I want, wherever I want

  • There is freedom and spontaneity available for single persons as they may have fewer things which anchor them to a schedule, location, responsibilities, etc. 

• Families include and care for you

• There is an opportunity for the church to become a single person’s second family and provide support for them—inviting them over for meals, including them in family holidays, providing financial support, or simply sitting with them during church services. 

• I can be fully present and more singularly focused

• Compared with single staff members, there is a difference for staff members who also have their family members present among them at church events, camps, or retreats. Single persons have the opportunity to be fully engaged where they are and are more able to focus on the ministry in front of them.

Challenges as a Single Staff Member in a “Family Church”[3]

• Single adults in ministry are sometimes perceived as immature and incomplete 

• Parents may display a more difficult time trusting their children to the care of a single person. Single adults may be viewed as “not fully mature” yet, especially if the staff person is younger. Marriage is often seen as “having arrived” at a place of greater responsibility and maturity.

•  Singleness is sometimes seen as a problem to fix

• While many interactions with church individuals show a deep care, love, and appreciation for the single staff member, unfortunately one of the issues is that their singleness can be interpreted as a problem that will be “fixed” through a new relationship.  

• We market and do ministry in “family churches” in ways that can be problematic 

• Many churches work hard to promote a welcoming, friendly environment with programs, classes, and various ministries. However, these are often done in a way that promotes families and leaves single adults overlooked, including those who serve on staff.

Financial Challenges for Single Church Staff[4]

While not all single staff members interviewed for this book expressed challenges in the financial realm, those who did offered an array, including some of the following experiences: 

• Single staff receiving lower pay and benefits than married staff

• No health benefits provided to single staff

• Promotion paths easier for those who are married

• Pay level and benefits tied to title and ordination 

• Men paid more than women

The impact of low pay on single church staff correlates to perceptions regarding responsibility and trust, the need to get a roommate due to housing costs, and the ability to begin saving for retirement.

Carrying Out Ministry Expectations[5]

While singles face challenges when interviewing for and securing staff positions, other challenges lay ahead once embedded in their vocational ministry roles. Some of these challenges are connected to a particular area, while others are broader, impacting them regardless of their specific ministry area. 

• Ministry with Marrieds and Parents 

• Single staff members, male and female alike, may be seen as incompetent to teach or counsel in areas like marriage and parenting. To what degree must a minister have the full range of experiences represented by those in the congregation in order to minister to them?

• Ministry with the Opposite Gender

• The church expects all staff members to be above reproach, regardless of marital status. However, single staff members may be viewed as less mature or stable than married staff, and this can create a heightened concern for how they spend their time with others, especially those of the opposite gender. 

• Workload Expectations

• Whether it is coming in early to set up, staying late with children and youth who are waiting to be picked up, or helping clean up after events, many single staff members feel the unspoken expectation that staff with families deserve more time at home.

Building Healthy Staff Relationships[6]

Lawson and Carr note the stark difference of gender and building healthy staff relationships as they explore single male staff experiences compared to single female staff experiences.

• Single male staff seem to have fewer roadblocks to building relationships with senior church leaders. Single male staff members often have more access to senior church leaders. 

• Single female staff mention the “Billy Graham Rule,” noting the appreciation for married staff members to guard themselves while also carrying the desire to be offered the same opportunities as their male colleagues. This dynamic can also erode staff relationships in both subtle and overt ways. The perception created by this rule is that women are dangerous to be around, a threat to the men on staff, and it often leads female staff to feel undervalued, left out, or dismissed.

While single staff members must learn how to navigate ministry with both its challenges and its joys, there are ways supervisors can learn, rethink, and support their single staff as they serve together. At the end of each chapter, Lawson and Carr offer questions to discuss with one’s supervisor. Depending on the context, individual, and ministry of the single staff person you serve alongside, there is likely value in coming to better understand their experiences and engage in dialogue about how to best support them. I encourage you to take the time to talk with them and discuss some of these questions. The single members of your staff are likely not going to discuss the effects of their singleness within vocational ministry without prompting.

1.   Kevin E. Lawson and Jane Carr, Thriving As a Single Person in Ministry (Lanham, MD: Rowman & Littlefield, 2021). 
2.  Lawson and Carr, Thriving As a Single Person in Ministry, 10-14.
3.  Lawson and Carr, Thriving As a Single Person in Ministry, 25-30.
4.   Lawson and Carr, Thriving As a Single Person in Ministry, 59-63.
5.   Lawson and Carr, Thriving As a Single Person in Ministry, 81-83. 
6.   Lawson and Carr, Thriving As a Single Person in Ministry, 109-112.