Looking Like God
As we begin a new year, we often like to reflect back on the past twelve months. We look at the highs and lows of the year. We think about where things went really well for us and other times when life wasn’t so great. We might think about friends or family who had a really difficult year having lost people.
When I think about 2023 and the year that I experienced, I think of similar things. I think about the people God brought into my life who have been such a blessing in different ways. I think about the changes that have taken place within my family. I think about some difficult experiences I had over the course of the year. While I am grateful for a number of things I got to experience, like a trip to Hawaii with my wife, I also mourn for other experiences, like struggle and hurt in my extended family.
Reflecting is something that everyone is encouraged to do. It’s something that I hear counselors recommend to clients, and it’s something that I even do with my kids in the evenings when thinking about their day. When I’m acting as a spiritual director and am encouraging people to engage in reflection, I call this practice or exercise something a little different: examen.
Examen is a spiritual practice founded by St. Ignatius of Loyola in the 16th century. While it may sound super deep, it is a practice that is often done by many people in a variety of ways. As I learned about this experience, I found one major difference between the reflecting I had generally done and the examen that I now practice: my focus was on the wrong being.
Given my more traditional upbringing and experiences, when I would reflect on the past, I always thought about myself and the actions I had done. As a result, I regularly found myself feeling guilty. I felt guilty when I thought about the times that I had done wrong. I also felt guilty even in the times when I had done good things because I felt like I hadn’t done enough. Either way, guilt was always present, and while conviction can be a good thing, it’s never good if it’s the only thing. As I learned the examen practice, I discovered that I wasn’t examining myself nearly as much as I was examining the presence and movement of God in my life.
This shift has become profound for me because, as human beings made in the image of God, we are simply looking for His presence and movement and trying to participate in God’s activity in the world. When I do this practice now, I think back on the last 24 hours of my life (one day at a time) and search for the movement of God. Ignatius called these moments “consolations.” When I notice these, I recognize them as a gift and an invitation to participate. Then I think about moments that were life-taking, the times where I felt the life being sucked out of me. Ignatius referred to these as “desolations.” When looking for consolations, I look for faith, hope, or love, either exemplified or personified. When looking for desolations, I search for a lack of faith, hope, or love. Sometimes these consolations and desolations are in the world around me; sometimes they take place within me.
Below is a simple practice of this exercise that can be done in as little as five minutes, but many people will take fifteen minutes or longer for this practice. I hope it blesses you in the way that it has blessed me.
Find a time and space to be silent and still. Remain in this space for at least one minute, preferably 3-5 minutes, or longer if you would like. Clear your mind and become fully present to God and His movements and invitations during this time and space.
After this time, think back on the last 24 hours. Think about your experiences, interactions, and responses with others and within yourself.
Where did you see the presence and movement of God? Where did you feel His consolation? Where did you see faith, hope, or love either exemplified or personified? This can be in yourself or in other people or things around you.
Spend at least one minute reflecting on this. It is in this space that we are grateful that God revealed Himself to us and acknowledge His presence and movement as a gift in our lives.
After this time, think again on the last 24 hours. Think about your experiences, interactions, and responses with others and within yourself.
Where did you see a lack in the presence and movement of God? Where did you feel desolation? Where did you see a lack of faith, hope, or love either exemplified or personified? This can be in yourself or in other people or things around you.
Spend at least one minute reflecting on this.
In this space, we remember that God is always present and we think about where God might have been in that space. We ask God for a deeper ability to notice Him.
Spend another minute or two in silence with God. The only agenda at this point is to simply be present with your Creator. Breathe deeply during this time.
This exercise has always been a blessing in my life. I pray that it is one in yours, too.
