“Wow, how do you do that?” 

“Your job must be very hard.”  

“I could never do that.”  

These are but a few of the common comments chaplains receive when asked about their daily work. I found myself asking these same questions when I began this journey almost 20 years ago and thankfully found others on the path who created space for me to explore my questions in community. 

There is no doubt that chaplaincy, specifically healthcare chaplaincy for me, has its own share of challenges. But I have found that often our assumptions about the work of chaplaincy and the actual work of a chaplain are often quite different. Some may think we come in with a prepared message of encouragement or bible study. Some may think we walk around praying for people. While there are times when I offer words of encouragement or I pray for someone, it is not my default posture or assumed practice. A chaplain’s primary function is to “be with” another and attend the spiritual needs of the person before them. Chaplains interact with people of all faiths and no faith, exploring their values, their community of love and support, where they find meaning and purpose in their life. We explore sources of anxiety or dis-ease, support grief, and walk with patients and families through uncertain times. We bear witness to the fullness of life, joy, sorrow, monotony, uncertainty, relief, confidence. 

There is no escaping it: chaplains are a unique bunch of people, often found on the fringes and acquainted with great suffering and great joy. Not everyone may have the disposition to do this work. But that can be said for a multitude of callings, so chaplaincy isn’t unique in that way. There are some common dispositions and skills that support this type of work. As we walk with people through the challenges they are facing, a chaplain must have a growing capacity for uncertainty and silence. The chaplain doesn’t need the last word; we serve one another best when we can faithfully, courageously, honestly acknowledge our human limitations. Oftentimes we feel compelled to “do something” when in reality we are trying to avoid our own feelings of  helplessness or being out of control. We are avoiding our human limitations. We are avoiding or denying our mortality. Sometimes the only appropriate response is to hold the silence together or simply say, “Me, too.”

A chaplain also needs to adopt a posture of curiosity rather than judgment. This doesn’t mean peppering a person with twenty questions about their health condition. Please don’t. There are plenty of healthcare professions that need to ask such questions. But when we are interacting with an individual, we must be curious about them as a person. What makes them feel alive? What brings them joy? Is something getting in the way of experiencing those things? How is family defined for them? Be curious about what faith looks like for them and why. Are there important sacred stories at play? How does this person narrate these stories and why? Be curious about their responses to situations. A chaplain helps a person to be seen as a whole person, quirks and all (or from my theological perspective “uniquely created in the image of God”), and not simply an illness to treat.

A chaplain must also be curious about themself and the assumptions they make about people, situations, responses, and beliefs. A chaplain must be willing to examine themselves and all they bring to an interaction. We don’t want to confuse our stuff with the person we are interacting with. And this leads to another important element of chaplaincy: healthy boundaries. Boundaries define where I end and you begin. Boundaries are the context for respect and care. This can provide the necessary clarity of what emotions belong to me and what belongs to the person I am interacting with. Boundaries also help each of us care for ourselves through this work so we can show up meaningfully and authentically for those we serve, those we love, and ourselves. 

Back in October, about 15 people gathered at ACU Summit for coffee and pastries to share our love of chaplaincy, ask questions from those in the field, and explore the nature of this work. I was humbled by the authenticity of questions and the considerate curiosity from which they were asked. That posture is essential to the work of chaplaincy and it was embodied in the room that day. Many were curious about how one might navigate chaplaincy in a pluralistic society while maintaining a genuine faith of their own. While there are many ways one might live out their Christian calling in chaplaincy as they serve people of all faiths or no faiths, our prime goal is the underlying quest to live a virtuous life that is authentic, faithful, and experienced by the recipient as loving. I look forward to future gatherings of chaplains or those interested in chaplaincy to find sacred space to engage meaningfully around our questions and authentic pursuits.