Worship Anyway
“I don’t even know if I believe in God anymore!” the young woman sobbed. Her father had recently been killed in a tragic automobile accident and she was angry at God. How could this man have been taken from his family in the prime of his life? Why had God allowed this harsh, sudden, and permanent change of plans, leaving a gaping hole? Everyone close to him was currently reeling in a state of grief-filled confusion.
In moments of disorienting devastation, it is not uncommon to direct our hurt and displeasure toward God, especially when asking questions for which there are seemingly no answers. God can handle us weeping through our prayers or railing in rage. He can take all of our emotions. The very fact that we address him, even in times of anger, is an affirmation of our belief in his existence.
The lyrics of the song “Honesty” by Jason Gray express this paradox about speaking to the creator of the universe despite feelings of unbelief during seasons of pain. The song is written from the perspective of a raw and wounded person speaking to God. The words are confessional, acknowledging that maybe they shouldn’t speak such angry words from a hurting heart. Yet the very act of participating in the conversation is evidence of faith.
Throughout the song questions are asked. They begin curiously with “What do you want from me?” Then tentatively, “Are you sure you want everything?” Finally, almost in desperation, “Even my honesty?” Despite wrestling with God during doubt and suffering, hopefulness is embedded in the repetition of these lyrics:
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, I’m going through hell
Hallelujah, hallelujah, I’m still singing and that is well.
In addition to taking our most open, raw, and honest feelings to God, it is good to continue to worship God during our most trying times.
When we don’t know what to say, Scripture can supply the words. Psalm 73:21-23 says, “When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you. Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand” (NIV). Later, the author admits that all else may fail, but his strength comes from God.
We, too, can lean into our relationship with the Almighty when our instinct is to withdraw. In both our private moments and when we gather with God’s people, we strengthen ourselves through prayer, songs, and Scripture. It helps to fortify us against negative thoughts and tendencies. This is one reason that participating in periods of worship with others is essential. On any given Sunday, we may surround others who are unable to choke out the words themselves, lifting them up and moving them closer to where they desire and need to be. Other times, we may be the ones carried to the very throne room of God on the hymns and prayers uttered by those around us.
This is part of what I shared with the young woman doubting her faith in God at the loss of a beloved family member. I encouraged her to take her struggles to her heavenly Father. To be honest about her devastation, doubt, and despair without giving up on worship. She—and we—can reach the point where our worship and praise help us say with Psalm 73:28 that, “as for me, it is good to be near to God” during both the good and the bad.
