When it Comes to Stress Management, What’s Even Better Than Cake?

Today, I want to eat cake. Triple-layer chocolate cake with chocolate icing. Ooh, and ice cream. Something full-fat and decadent.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with a sweet treat now and then. Sometimes it’s good to splurge, to “treat yo’self.” But there are two problems with this for me today.

First, I am committed to trying to lose nine pounds before the end of the year. Now, a piece of cake or a small bowl of ice cream won’t impact that significantly; but if I start wanting cake every day, the scale will go up and not down.

Second, and more importantly, I am a stress eater. When life seems overwhelming or things seem out of sorts, I would rather eat away my feelings than deal with them. And between starting a new ministry position, moving my family, the pressures of chaplaincy, and COVID, to call today stressful would be too mild! So … I want cake, and not in a good way!

Now, please, hear me when I say this: I’m not food shaming anyone! Go have your cake and eat it, too! Good for you! But I know my own triggers, and I know that today, that one slice wouldn’t be for the right reasons for me.

I ran across a quote by Jocko Willink a couple of days ago, and it has stuck with me. He stated,

It’s not that you wake up one day and decide, “That’s it. I give up. I’m gonna be weak now…” We don’t do that in one day. It’s not one decision. It’s a slow, incremental process that just chips away at our will and chips away at our discipline. [1]

Let that quote sink in for a minute. How have you seen it play out in your own life or in the lives of others?

Sin is often incremental, isn’t it? It rarely starts off full-blown, out of control. Instead, it begins with dipping our toe into the stream. A second glance or flirtatious exchange, pushing a little past our boundary, going to a place we know we shouldn’t be, telling that little lie to get out of minor trouble, prioritizing gain over generosity, not stopping the demeaning conversation or joke happening around you, or any of dozens of other possibilities. It usually starts small, like a seed, but grows larger over time as it embeds and roots and begins to grow. And it begins to erode our discipline, our faith, our connection. It displaces our desire.

The apostle James stated it this way: “Each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death” (James 1:14-15). Any desire that leads us away from God is sin.

How will you deal with your stress? It has been a stressful year, hasn’t it? Think about what has dominated our airwaves: global pandemic, murder hornets, racism, politics, economic troubles, job loss, overwhelmed front line nurses and doctors, global tension, anger, school closures and shaming on how we will respond.

On top of all that, many people are facing other stressors that never make the news: family struggles, sicknesses and bad diagnoses, aging parents, marriages failing, kids running away, fill in the blank.

How will you deal with your stress?

Often we choose to manage our stress in healthy ways: working out, eating, relationships, hobbies, relaxing, games. But those can all have dark sides, too, when they begin to chip away at our discipline or erode our connection to God.

I’ve learned over time that there are two things I need to do. First, I reach out to a small group of friends whom I trust and love. And I ask them to pray. Sometimes I tell them the struggle, but they mostly know. But I confess my struggle, and I lean into their prayer. [2] I try to touch base with at least one of them in the 24 hours right after that, just to stay accountable.

Second, I lean into God through prayer. It is hard, because I struggle with appearance. I want to seem like I have it all together, even in front of the one who knows exactly how I don’t! But Jesus invites me to bring it all:

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. (Matt. 11:28-30)

He wants me to cast all my anxiety upon him, because he cares for me (1 Pet. 5:7). All the stress, all the struggle, all the sin, all the shame … he is willing to take it all.

In some ways, it’s the inverse of the Golden Rule: be loved by God and by others so that you can be the person that God wants you to be. Weakening might be incremental, but strengthening can be instantaneous.

Regardless of what is going on right now, may you find comfort, strength, and hope in the one whose yoke is easy.

And, if you need to, go enjoy a slice of cake. I promise, it’s okay.

—

[1] From the Jocko Podcast, episode 45, time stamp 2:03:01.

[2] James 5:16 states it plainly: “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”