Hello, brave shepherds. Thank you for your willingness to lead; you have my respect and gratefulness. As I continue to focus on the communication issues related to the gender inclusion process, it feels weird, but necessary, to remind you to talk about Jesus.

As with anything, it’s easy to get lost in the details. We, as people, have a terrifyingly impressive habit of complicating things. My own father told me that I couldn’t have made my wedding any harder unless I had gotten married in the middle of a lake without a boat. Sorry, Dad. Jesus, interestingly enough, refused to do that. No matter what complex question or decision was thrown at him, he remained laser-focused on the important principles of love and redemption; his speech and actions reflected this focus. He would not be pinned down or burdened by policies and loopholes.

Jesus was very clear about the most important things. You know what these are. Do you talk about them as a church? Do these things drive your conversations, decisions, worship, outreach, and yes, your discussions about gender? Lead all conversations with Jesus and how he inspires you to think about your church’s issues. When you talk about Paul, do that through Paul’s own deepest desire to share Jesus. You simply cannot assume people understand your motivation behind the gender inclusion conversation because, quite frankly, they probably don’t. You have to talk about Jesus—a lot.

In my recent study of Matthew, I was in this Gospel for hours and hours every week. I learned so much from this study about who Jesus is and who he’s not, and these truths are applicable to our struggle with gender inclusion.

The book of Matthew was written decades after Jesus was alive. The expected immanent return of Christ turned out to be not so immanent. When Christ still hadn’t returned, Matthew and others had to figure out how to live this new Christian life with each other and without Jesus among them. Paul was doing the same. Humiliating as it is, that’s still the hard part—dealing with each other. So, like Matthew and Paul, church leaders today have to take what we have and figure it out. Nothing is happening like we thought it would or should; Matthew and Paul were in the same boat. Actually, Jesus was in Mathew’s boat, but you know what I mean. All of us are in unchartered territory, trying to figure it out in a Christ-like manner.

So much of the discussion on gender inclusion deals with authority, but was Jesus concerned about that? Jesus was adamant about authority only in the sense of establishing his own identity as the son of the one true God. I see no other concern about who does what, even when Jesus commends Peter for acknowledging that Jesus is the son of God. Jesus repeatedly rejects the human desire for power and warns against it. This posture is in stark contrast to our incessant conversations about who can do what. If Jesus isn’t concerned about it, why are we?

Do we, as church leaders, need to confess that we have made the mistake of talking about what people can and cannot do, more than we talk about Jesus? Have we made the conflict worse by confusing biblical leadership with holding office? Have we been wrong in teaching that somehow reading words we didn’t write and going to God in prayer for others are somehow elevated, prestigious acts? Personally, I do confess these things and ask forgiveness for the damage done.

What were Jesus’s concerns according to Matthew?

During my intense study of Matthew, I was so inspired by Jesus’s to-do list in a whole new way that helped me focus on who Jesus is. Jesus taught, he healed, he served, he sacrificed. Are we doing these things as individuals and as churches? If we aren’t, we are off-task, hijacked by distractions, policies, and loopholes. Even with the necessary issues like gender inclusion and paying bills, we have to keep Jesus up front and center in our conversations to continually remind us of the most important thing—Jesus. That prevents us from getting kidnapped by any issue and instead aligns us with the whole reason we care about any of it.

As a shepherd, there is untold power in talking about what God is teaching you about Jesus through your personal study, prayers, and meditation. Your church has asked you to lead; and in turn, you are constantly asking God to bless you with wisdom to do just that. Expand these prayers and ask for God to put words on your tongue so you can connect on a deeper level with the people you are leading. These one-on-one conversations are amazing opportunities to build trust and simply share how God is working in you. Don’t worry about composing the perfect words, or proving a point; just connect with the person in the room. If your intent is to connect and share Jesus, then God is already at work transforming your thoughts and your words. As always, I am praying for you, as are many others, as you lead your churches in a steadfast and courageous manner.

—

This article is Part 5 in an ongoing series for elders who are leading their churches through gender inclusion processes. Find the rest of the series here.